Award Winning Firm
RELATIONSHIP CONSULTING FIRM
Only accepting single females in the Edmonton, AB & British Columbia, Canada area from ages 32 - 50 for matchmaking. Please apply here.
For any and all RELATIONSHIP CONSULTING, welcome!
Relationship Expert / Consultant
As a Relationship Consultant I help you understand exactly what you need and guide you in developing the tools you need to succeed in a positive and healthy relationship. I help people overcome their relationship challenges successfully.
As a Professional & Certified Executive Matchmaker and Therapist I am able to easily identify the issue at hand and notice the areas in which need to be altered to help you find 'the one'.
When you begin relationship consulting, your attitude can determine your success. I help guide you through a positive process where you see things differently in order to make changes that promote both an uplifting and exciting response to your future relationships.
Relationship Consulting is offered to singles and couples.
Upgrading or levelling up when dating is a sign that you're moving forward in the right direction. But what exactly does that mean? It typically means that one is dating someone who they feel is better than they are. Maybe that person is too good for them, but not to worry because if they're dating you, you're obviously doing something right so keep it up. Some are able to maintain this relationship as they allow the other person to lift them up, to help propel them forward in their life. However, there are those whom I call the 'Doom Daters' and here is where the danger lies within the relationship. When one feels that the other is better than they are they will do either of two things. 1. They tear down the other persons worth to match theirs, or 2. They put all their insecurities on you, making their issue become your issue. It really depends on how you feel about yourself, your own self worth and how you feel about your new mate. Let's face it, you will only put up from another person what you put up with from yourself. Just as you can only love another to the extent of how much you love yourself.
Too often people put all their love in another person just to receive an ounce of it back for themselves. If someone truly loves and respects themselves, they will in turn love and respect another, but if someone is full of hate and fears, that will be projected onto their partner, without a doubt. A person filled with hate and fear will not turn around and project love and respect into their partner, this just doesn't happen. You can't boil water and pour out syrup.
We are constantly convincing ourself of the opposite, of what we want rather than we we feel we deserve or what we desire. So we go after and try to attain a partner that will either feed our ego, feed our sense of self worth, for attention (whether bad or good, either way, still attention), for a sense of belonging ~ to another, for security, for recognition, out of loneliness, for self gratification or because you believe that's what you should do ~ be coupled. There are indeed many people in relationships because they genuinely want to, but don't deny that we benefit from being in a relationship, even if it's as pure as just wanting to grow old with another human being. Craving that soul connection, someone to share lifes moments with, to create new memories and to share experiences with. Innately this is what we all want, we need a mate, a soul mate.
It's just important to know who you are dating or want to date and why. If you are picking a partner out of ego, than you might want to check why your ego craves this particular partner. What is it about this partner that is feeding the ego and how can you correct the feeling before getting into a relationship that could ultimately be doomed for not entering into it for the right reasons. When we're not honest with our intentions, then we can't be honest in our relationship. Feelings can't be expressed sincerely, roles in the relationship become obligatory and resentment eventually will move in and make itself at home while causing discontent, unrest and many emotional outbreaks. The other partner gets blamed for the demise of a failed relationship while you continue to soothe your inner wounds with a habit that was eventually created due to all the complications within the relationship.
It's okay to be honest about the reasons you're entering into a relationship, in fact that is what's going to make the relationship a success, by communicating your feelings with your partner, the reasons why you want to or have entered into the relationship with them. It's okay to discuss what you both can bring to the table. People are scared to talk too soon in a relationship about the facts and the realness of it all which is actually really important. I get it, it's hard to have those conversations but so many people don't and then get hurt in the end. I'm not saying overthink every situation, I'm just saying be open and honest with your future and be vulnerable. Go after what you want and if that person doesn't match your future then they are not your future. So you need to decide if you're willing to forego what you want in your future for a particular partner and why?
Next time you decide to get into a relationship ask yourself these questions;
What is it about this person that I admire, do I have those same qualities?
What can I contribute to the relationship and how can I enhance my partners life and well-being?
What can I do to make myself happy today and have that reflect on my partner as well?
Vulnerability scares us, and it scares us to see it in other people because we weren’t raised to be vulnerable, we were raised to view vulnerability as a weakness, not a strength. Yet to show and see vulnerability in yourself and others is one of the most beautiful things. To be open, to fully expose yourself to another takes an enormous amount of strength. We are all we have ~ eachother. How many of us want and crave more intimacy, joy, and love? But yet we can’t have that unless we expose our vulnerability and allow ourselves to be seen. Vulnerability is the path back to one another, but we’re so afraid to get on that path that we ultimately destroy the one thing we crave the most ~ love! So we end up hurting one another…a lot! We want it SO bad, but to afraid of letting ourselves be seen, and it scares us to see it others, but it truly is the only way back to one another. Even if you show complete vulnerability to another and they in turn do not, at least you had the strength to do so.
Why do I want you to be vulnerable? And why should you show your vulnerability to others? I know you don’t want to be vulnerable and I know you want to armour up and stay protected. But here’s the problem with not being vulnerable, you’ll never get to the birth place of love, belonging, and joy. Vulnerability is an uncertainty and we don’t like uncertainty, it scares us. We want to know everything that’s going on in our life and we want to have control of all our circumstances and situations, so the idea of being vulnerable and inviting uncertainty is very scary.
Vulnerability is giving someone your heart. But look at it like this, have you ever loved someone? Are you one hundred percent sure that person will always love you back? Will never get sick? Will never leave? How about burying someone you love? Have you lost someone you love? So to love is to be vulnerable. To give someone your heart and say “I know this could hurt really bad but I’m wiling to do it, I’m willing to be vulnerable and love you.” There is an unsurreal amount of people in the world today that are unwilling to take the risk and they’d rather never know love than to know hurt or grief and that’s a huge price to pay. We’re wired for love and belonging, it’s in our DNA. We’re currently in a cultural nightmare with relationships. With online dating and the dating apps, everyone just looking to hook up in hopes of a moment of feeling loved and accepted only to have it banished. Of course we also want belonging amongst the vulnerability and don’t confuse belonging with just trying to fit in by doing what others are doing, belonging means belonging to yourself first! Telling your story and speaking your truth, not just making up stuff to others in order to belong, and never betraying yourself for the sake of others. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are and that’s vulnerable!
Let’s not forget joy, joy is the most vulnerable of all human emotions. The idea of feeling joy is a scary thing for so many of us because if we feel joy, we’re so afraid something or someone is going to come along and rip it away from us and we will get sucker punched by pain, trauma and loss. So in the middle of things, we self sabotage some of the greatest things we could experience in our lifetime.
Have you ever been so in love with someone, you just stare at them and think “how did I get so lucky?” then in a millisecond you picture something bad happening to them or the thought of them not returning your love or them leaving you? Majority of people in relationships do this. When we start accessing our life and all that’s going good in it, we start to panic, waiting for the ball to drop! The ‘this is too good to be true’ story we tell ourselves. So we literally start to rewrite our story, not the story we want but the story we believe is protecting us, which in reality is the story destroying us, our love, our belonging and our joy.
When we lose our capacity for vulnerability joy becomes foreboding. It scares us to feel it. Yet those who lean fully into joy, without practicing doubt, without rehearsing a new terrible story, were those who had gratitude. They practice gratitude. Vulnerability has a real physiology. It’s something inside of us and when we feel vulnerable we can feel it in our body. Some people use this feeling to prepare themselves for bad things whereas some use it as a reminder to be grateful. But gratitude is also vulnerable, we’re sometimes afraid to feel it because we start feeling ‘is it dangerous to be grateful for something but someone could take that away’. Even if you know your God doesn't work that way we still fear it anyway. Sometimes it’s hard for us to be grateful for what we have, especially if we’re in a great relationship and we see our friends struggling in their relationships, so we hold back our joy because we think it’s insensitive, however, you not talking about your relationship doesn’t allow them to talk about theirs either. Gratitude is healing for people and unfortunately we don’t think about it that way. Showing your joy and gratitude especially to those struggling, helps them!
When we rob ourselves of love, joy and gratitude and later on experience a loss we then realize we missed some of the most precious moments, even missing the most simple, ordinary things. Like getting annoyed at a love ones over use of emojis over text message, then losing that loved one, you’d do anything to see those annoying text messages again, no matter how many emojis they used, you just want them back.
We get so busy chasing the next big thing that we’re missing the ordinary moments in our life, and in our loved ones. So just choose joy, just choose love, just for the hell of it! Just do the joyful thing without expectations, without a payoff or upside of some sort and be vulnerable!
Just play ~ a time spent without purpose (quote by Stuart Brown)
One of the most commonly asked questions ~ what does the opposite sex want? Well no need to dig too deep or look too far. Asking yourself what you want is answering the question. We all want the same things. We want love, acceptance, a feeling of belonging and as much as we are constantly working on that for our own self love, acceptance and belonging we are also seeking it in others. Sometimes we feel we need to alter ourselves in order to be accepted, but we need to stand strong in our beliefs and stay true to ourselves, while we still want people to accept us for who we are already! But accepting yourself first, allows others to do the same.
When relationships fail, we tend to want to give up and give in to a new belief pattern that it's best to be alone, to stay single, it's easier that way right? Wrong! It only holds you back from experiencing some of the greatest, the deepest, the most emotionally connected love one could ever imagine. To give up on finding love is to give up on yourself. We're often seeking a relationship even when we don't realize we're doing it, only to self sabotage it. Sometimes on purpose ~ I'll hurt you before you hurt me, or not even realizing what you're doing to cause yet another failed relationship.
If you could simply look at the opposite sex and think to yourself, hmm, they're looking for the exact same thing I am, we're all in this together, then you're going to be less likely to feel confused about what they want, how to approach them and being understanding towards their needs gives you a head start!
Although we all have the same needs, we are just seeking them in a particular package. Do they have the look I like, does the personality match my ideal partner, do they have a career I respect, do I admire their behaviours and mannerism, is there any positive tension (connection) between the two of us? Do we share common values, morals and interests? Don't worry, they too will be having the same thoughts about you! But don't change who you are in order to get the others affection, you'll only become a 'dooms dater'. The moment you give up who you are, your values, morals, and so forth, you are then no longer YOU. You have become a mirror for your partner, only reflecting all their interests while burying your own all in the name of love (it'll all come out when the relationship ends and you have to find yourself again) underneath the layers of resentment, bitterness and discontentment you've acquired along the way in the relationship.
Yes, relationships with others change us all. We compromise, we set our own needs aside to please our partner but never should you do this permanently. Take turns doing things for the other, don't give up who you are, what you want and your needs.
So next time you get into a relationship or even if you're currently in one, remind yourself of this;
We are all in this together.
We are all seeking the same things. Love, acceptance and belonging. To be fully supported in who we are already.
The other person is just as scared, just as vulnerable and just as deserving of love, acceptance and belonging as we are.