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Why First Impressions Matter
From the moment you set eyes on another person you are assessing who they are. From top to bottom your eyes are like lasers taking in every movement, sound, and smell. Interpreting in only a matter of seconds whether or not there may be a connection. We are so quick to judge on instant sight. We judge how we feel about another by past, and present experiences.
How to present yourself
It's all about packaging. How we package ourselves dictates the buyer! May sound cold but look at it like this. We present ourselves every single day. Want a raise at work, you tend to dress up a bit more than usual. You're more attentive to your physical appearance, therefore to be noticed and appreciated in a valuable way. Same goes for dating. You are looking to connect with someone you feel is on the same level as you and higher. Just like a boss. You want to look the part. You want others to notice that you take pride in your appearance, therefore giving the impression that if you take care of yourself, you also take care of all areas of your life. You want to be attentive, fit, active, responsible, admired, adored, reliable. Now show this on the outside. Respect for yourself shows through in your appearance and lets others know that you've got this!
Men - nice clean shoes and an attractive watch are a tell tale sign that a man values the finer things, therefore also seeks this in a partner.
Ladies - nice teeth, smile, fit physique along with being nicely dressed shows a man that you take care of yourself. Your image matters because you value who you are and what you have to offer.
First date impressions
What both sexes watch when on a first date is how the other reacts to them! Do they seem to be happy they're with me at this moment? Are they bored, excited, overly anxious? Giving off a good vibe (energy) is enough to let the other know that you're happy right where you are, with them! Paying compliments to one another also lets the other know that you noticed something about them and you admired it.
Flirting - flirting is simply just looking into their eyes softly, giving little touches, laughing at what they're saying, and simply just appreciating and admiring the other. No need to over think this one!
When interested in the other, let them know. Tell them you had a great time with them and would love to go out again. If it's reciprocated, great, make the plans right there and then! No need to wait a few days, week, month to arrange. Todays a gift, don't take for granted tomorrow will ever come. Strike while it's hot!
First date locations
The big moment of where to take your date, I mean after all, first impressions matter right? Now depending on how you've met in the first place (if not through a Matchmaker), this will dictate whether it's going to be a coffee date or fine dining.
When is it okay to go on a coffee date? I personally do not like coffee dates because there's nothing romantic about coffee, nor the fact that it just screams 'cheap date' to me. However, lots of singles meet online and agree to meet at coffee shops, this is to make sure that they're meeting who they 'think' they've met online. People do scam others online so I can see where this would be a safe place to meet (if you have not used a Matchmaker, obviously).
When should a date be taken to dinner?
Always! A lady needs to be courted. I'm only old fashioned when it comes to dating. Men need to be gentlemen and ladies need to be ladies.
Who pays for the date?
Men! Always! What if I'm a lady and I ask a guy out? - If he's a gentleman he'll offer to pay! If you're apart of the LGBT community, then it's the person asking out that pays.
Dinner and drinks, something active and fun!
Keeping the relationship
Staying in a relationship is work! It usually becomes work the moment you have taken your partner for granted. Love and appreciation for your partner at all times, especially during the tough times is a must! When I say tough times, I generally mean when the other has not displayed love. If you're not in a healthy relationship, hence - mental, emotional and/or physical abuse then it is wise to remove yourself. But other struggles such as not feeling appreciated, respected, admired but most of all loved, then this is where you both have to buckle down and communicate. Communicate in any way you need to. People all have different ways of communicating. Some act out - looking for attention. Some scream and shout - looking to be heard. Some go into a time out and disappear for a small period of time (hour(s) - while they go cool down. Some go silent - looking to be missed, and/or for attention. Understanding how your partner communicates is half the battle. You two may communicate in different ways, just understand how the other communicates so that you are able to communicate to them in a way they understand.
We often communicate and act out the same way we did as adolescence. Whatever worked for us as children, we still use as adults. Unfortunately, these old patterns of responding don't always fair so well as adults.
We were meant to be with a partner
We are meant to care, love, communicate, understand and serve others. The one we choose as a partner is the one we look at to serve and compliment a part of us that we feel we are lacking but most importantly, that we feel the most familiar with. The missing puzzle piece. Having said that, it is not that we as an individual are lacking anything, we just want a partner that compliments us as a duo. Someone we can confide in, trust, share intimate moments with, enjoy lives pleasures and treasures with. To share every intimate detail of our life with. So why is this so hard...?
It's not hard, we are just too self serving at times. We become over judgemental, over critical, over sensitive, over zealous, over protective and then we put walls around us to the point where no one can get in and we say things like "there's no one out there for me!" "All the good ones are taken!" "My true love is not in this City!" We make excuses to justify our own judgements to ensure that we are protecting ourselves. The problem is, we expect our love partners to understand us and automatically know what's going on with us, much like a child-parent relationship. How do we change this...?
We can change our beliefs by changing our thoughts. If you think there is no one out there for you, you will literally find no one! But if you have an open mind and allow someone wonderful to come into your life by simply holding back all judgement, criticism, try to ease up on being too sensitive or zealous and just focus on loving and appreciating others without expectations. Then just watch what happens! Your life doesn't change unless you change!
We all hold certain beliefs, whether true or not. The wonderful thing is, we have choices and we can choose to believe whatever we want to. Wouldn't it be easier and more rewarding to believe in the best as opposed to the worst? You have the freedom to choose!