Dooms Dater

Upgrading or levelling up when dating is a sign that you're moving forward in the right direction. But what exactly does that mean? It typically means that one is dating someone who they feel is better than they are. Maybe that person is too good for them, but not to worry because if they're dating you, you're obviously doing something right so keep it up. Some are able to maintain this relationship as they allow the other person to lift them up, to help propel them forward in their life. However, there are those whom I call the 'Doom Daters' and here is where the danger lies within the relationship. When one feels that the other is better than they are they will do either of two things. 1. They tear down the other persons worth to match theirs, or 2. They put all their insecurities on you, making their issue become your issue. It really depends on how you feel about yourself, your own self worth and how you feel about your new mate. Let's face it, you will only put up from another person what you put up with from yourself. Just as you can only love another to the extent of how much you love yourself.


Too often people put all their love in another person just to receive an ounce of it back for themselves. If someone truly loves and respects themselves, they will in turn love and respect another, but if someone is full of hate and fears, that will be projected onto their partner, without a doubt. A person filled with hate and fear will not turn around and project love and respect into their partner, this just doesn't happen. You can't boil water and pour out syrup. 

We are constantly convincing ourself of the opposite, of what we want rather than we we feel we deserve or what we desire. So we go after and try to attain a partner that will either feed our ego, feed our sense of self worth, for attention (whether bad or good, either way, still attention), for a sense of belonging ~ to another, for security, for recognition, out of loneliness, for self gratification or because you believe that's what you should do ~ be coupled. There are indeed many people in relationships because they genuinely want to, but don't deny that we benefit from being in a relationship, even if it's as pure as just wanting to grow old with another human being. Craving that soul connection, someone to share lifes moments with, to create new memories and to share experiences with. innately this is what we all want, we need a mate, a soul mate.

It's just important to know who you are dating or want to date and why. If you are picking a partner out of ego, than you might want to check why your ego craves this particular partner. What is it about this partner that is feeding the ego and how can you correct the feeling before getting into a relationship that could ultimately be doomed for not entering into it for the right reasons. When we're not honest with our intentions, then we can't be honest in our relationship. Feelings can't be expressed sincerely, roles in the relationship become obligatory and resentment eventually will move in and make itself at home while causing discontent, unrest and many emotional outbreaks. The other partner gets blamed for the demise of a failed relationship while you continue to soothe your inner wounds with a habit that was eventually created due to all the complications within the relationship.

It's okay to be honest about the reasons you're entering into a relationship, in fact that is what's going to make the relationship a success, by communicating your feelings with your partner, the reasons why you want to or have entered into the relationship with them. It's okay to discuss what you both can bring to the table. People are scared to talk too soon in a relationship about the facts and the realness of it all which is actually really important. I get it, it's hard to have those conversations but so many people don't and then get hurt in the end. I'm not saying overthink every situation, I'm just saying be open and honest with your future and be vulnerable. Go after what you want and if that person doesn't match your future then they are not your future. So you need to decide if you're willing to forego what you want in your future for a particular partner and why?

Next time you decide to get into a relationship ask yourself these questions;

What is it about this person that I admire, do I have those same qualities?

What can I contribute to the relationship and how can I enhance my partners life and well-being?

What can I do to make myself happy today and have that reflect on my partner as well?


© 2021 Tessa Loren Matchmaking Firm