Same, Same!

One of the most commonly asked questions ~ what does the opposite sex want? Well no need to dig too deep or look too far. Asking yourself what you want is answering the question. We all want the same things. We want love, acceptance, a feeling of belonging and as much as we are constantly working on that for our own self love, acceptance and belonging we are also seeking it in others. Sometimes we feel we need to alter ourselves in order to be accepted, but we need to stand strong in our beliefs and stay true to ourselves, while we still want people to accept us for who we are already! But accepting yourself first, allows others to do the same.


When relationships fail, we tend to want to give up and give in to a new belief pattern that it's best to be alone, to stay single, it's easier that way right? Wrong! It only holds you back from experiencing some of the greatest, the deepest, the most emotionally connected love one could ever imagine. To give up on finding love is to give up on yourself. We're often seeking a relationship even when we don't realize we're doing it, only to self sabotage it. Sometimes on purpose ~ I'll hurt you before you hurt me, or not even realizing what you're doing to cause yet another failed relationship.

If you could simply look at the opposite sex and think to yourself, hmm, they're looking for the exact same thing I am, we're all in this together, then you're going to be less likely to feel confused about what they want, how to approach them and being understanding towards their needs gives you a head start!

Although we all have the same needs, we are just seeking them in a particular package. Do they have the look I like, does the personality match my ideal partner, do they have a career I respect, do I admire their behaviours and mannerism, is there any positive tension (connection) between the two of us? Do we share common values, morals and interests? Don't worry, they too will be having the same thoughts about you! But don't change who you are in order to get the others affection, you'll only become a 'dooms dater'. The moment you give up who you are, your values, morals, and so forth, you are then no longer YOU. You have become a mirror for your partner, only reflecting all their interests while burying your own all in the name of love (it'll all come out when the relationship ends and you have to find yourself again) underneath the layers of resentment, bitterness and discontentment you've acquired along the way in the relationship.

Yes, relationships with others change us all. We compromise, we set our own needs aside to please our partner but never should you do this permanently. Take turns doing things for the other, don't give up who you are, what you want and your needs.

So next time you get into a relationship or even if you're currently in one, remind yourself of this;

We are all in this together.

We are all seeking the same things. Love, acceptance and belonging. To be fully supported in who we are already.

The other person is just as scared, just as vulnerable and just as deserving of love, acceptance and belonging as we are.

© 2021 Tessa Loren Matchmaking Firm